Life's little moments

Well the other day I was sitting watching TV when I heard “MMOOOMMMM, MMOOOMMMMMM??” I looked over to see my daughter all tangled up in her bike lock (she had her head and leg both looped through the locked bike lock.) So before I helped her I did what any other good mother would do. I took a picture.  Then I started thinking about the funny things that have embarrassed me over the years…Which I will now share with you.

***********

Embarrassment 1

I once lipped off a whole soccer field of boys13-15 years old (which was my age group at the time). Saying things like "You guys are lame”, “You don’t know how to play”, "If I wasn’t in a skirt I’d show ya".(I used to be very athletic in my youth) anyways insert UNCLE BEN’S INSTANT KARMA here.

No sooner had the lipping off left my mouth I suddenly slipped on the grassy slope of the field. Sliding down that slope of my back made my denim skirt turn inside out and up over my waist. Waist down was utterly exposed with my nylons and underpants freshly filled with big, globby, gooey, chunks of mud and grass.

I look up to see a field full of boys with their mouths a gape.....
For about 2 seconds.....
Then I see them all doubling over in laughter as one of them yelled “YA LORNA YOU SURE SHOWED US!!!”
Scrambling up what was left of my battered pride I pulled my skirt back into place…and left for the girls bathroom as my friend ran and borrow gym strip from somebody I could borrow.

***********

Embarrassment 2

Another time I was with some buddies (guys) pub hoping on a Friday or Sat night, it was my friend Ken’s b-day. It was me and 5 guys…somehow I always landed up being the only girl amongst guys.
Well Ken wanted to go to a stripper bar. Since it was his birthday and I was totally out voted (even without a vote even taking place) we went to see strippers. We found ourselves in the OH SO CLASSY “Flamingo” in Surrey.
 

I had been in a stripper bar before because I used to work in a hotel that had one and I’d occasionally have to get stuff out of that part of the bar when it was open.

But I had never been to a stripper bar for entertainment. I thought to myself,

“Okay I’m cool... just one of the guys…I can take it…”

OF COURSE Ken wanted to sit in what he called “Gyno row” (right at the stage)

Again I thought “Okay I can do this no problem”

Well the stripper came out and was working her routine…everything was fine we all got a drink and we had been chatting.  I had made sure my head was turned away from the stage…looking at the guys I was with because I didn't want to stare (or seem like I was gawking) Everything was fine...
UNTIL….

She noticed me NOT actually looking AT her AT ALL. (the place was FULL btw).
So she stops dead in the middle of her act, stands up, then looks RIGHT AT ME, and says “I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING DISGUSTING YOU KNOW!!! YOU CAN LOOK!!”.
The ENTIRE room looked at ME! Then in a drunken, horny, hooting, fashion with various yelling and what not they voice their agreement with her.

I was SOOO red faced….and speechless.

My buddy Ken was laughing so hard (along with the other guys in our group…Ken managed to spit out amidst the laughing that I had just given him the BEST b-day gift ever, getting the opportunity to see me HUGELY embarrassed and speechless. Him and the guys howled on and off about that for the rest of the night.

************

Embarrassment 3

You know when you are out with a group of your friends and you see somebody who is ….kind of androgynous looking.  Well again I was out with my buddy Ken and some other guys we knew. We where at “The Pantry” in Newton (this was quite a number of years ago) There was a server there who was very androgynous, we had been sitting there for quite a while drinking coffee and chit chattin’ everytime the server came into the room I would look and try to figure out “is that a guy in drag or is it a chick?” Either way makes no-never-mind to me but my curiosity was burning my brain. Ken noticed I was rather quiet and asked me, “What’s up”

I whispered to him…”Is that a guy or a girl?”  Ken looked and shrugged, and went back to chatting…

Out of nowhere the server came over to our table (she wasn’t our sever) and leans over to me with her husky body builder frame and her very square chiselled looking jaw. She looked right in my face, and asked in a masculine female-ish voice said “DO YOU THINK I’M A MAN?”

My eyes the size of diner plates (I was terrified I was about to get my butt kicked by a body building he/she) I responded “NO, I’d never think that.”

She said, “Good because I’m not, you know” and she walked away.

I exhaled my face was HUGELY red again, Ken was again in stitches of laughter saying “twice in the same week”  Which then led to the telling of “Embarrassment 2” to the other guys at the table with us.

 At least this time I could laugh at it too.

Feel free to comment with an embarrassing story you may have.