Life's little moments

Well the other day I was sitting watching TV when I heard “MMOOOMMMM, MMOOOMMMMMM??” I looked over to see my daughter all tangled up in her bike lock (she had her head and leg both looped through the locked bike lock.) So before I helped her I did what any other good mother would do. I took a picture.  Then I started thinking about the funny things that have embarrassed me over the years…Which I will now share with you.

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Embarrassment 1

I once lipped off a whole soccer field of boys13-15 years old (which was my age group at the time). Saying things like "You guys are lame”, “You don’t know how to play”, "If I wasn’t in a skirt I’d show ya".(I used to be very athletic in my youth) anyways insert UNCLE BEN’S INSTANT KARMA here.

No sooner had the lipping off left my mouth I suddenly slipped on the grassy slope of the field. Sliding down that slope of my back made my denim skirt turn inside out and up over my waist. Waist down was utterly exposed with my nylons and underpants freshly filled with big, globby, gooey, chunks of mud and grass.

I look up to see a field full of boys with their mouths a gape.....
For about 2 seconds.....
Then I see them all doubling over in laughter as one of them yelled “YA LORNA YOU SURE SHOWED US!!!”
Scrambling up what was left of my battered pride I pulled my skirt back into place…and left for the girls bathroom as my friend ran and borrow gym strip from somebody I could borrow.

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Embarrassment 2

Another time I was with some buddies (guys) pub hoping on a Friday or Sat night, it was my friend Ken’s b-day. It was me and 5 guys…somehow I always landed up being the only girl amongst guys.
Well Ken wanted to go to a stripper bar. Since it was his birthday and I was totally out voted (even without a vote even taking place) we went to see strippers. We found ourselves in the OH SO CLASSY “Flamingo” in Surrey.
 

I had been in a stripper bar before because I used to work in a hotel that had one and I’d occasionally have to get stuff out of that part of the bar when it was open.

But I had never been to a stripper bar for entertainment. I thought to myself,

“Okay I’m cool... just one of the guys…I can take it…”

OF COURSE Ken wanted to sit in what he called “Gyno row” (right at the stage)

Again I thought “Okay I can do this no problem”

Well the stripper came out and was working her routine…everything was fine we all got a drink and we had been chatting.  I had made sure my head was turned away from the stage…looking at the guys I was with because I didn't want to stare (or seem like I was gawking) Everything was fine...
UNTIL….

She noticed me NOT actually looking AT her AT ALL. (the place was FULL btw).
So she stops dead in the middle of her act, stands up, then looks RIGHT AT ME, and says “I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING DISGUSTING YOU KNOW!!! YOU CAN LOOK!!”.
The ENTIRE room looked at ME! Then in a drunken, horny, hooting, fashion with various yelling and what not they voice their agreement with her.

I was SOOO red faced….and speechless.

My buddy Ken was laughing so hard (along with the other guys in our group…Ken managed to spit out amidst the laughing that I had just given him the BEST b-day gift ever, getting the opportunity to see me HUGELY embarrassed and speechless. Him and the guys howled on and off about that for the rest of the night.

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Embarrassment 3

You know when you are out with a group of your friends and you see somebody who is ….kind of androgynous looking.  Well again I was out with my buddy Ken and some other guys we knew. We where at “The Pantry” in Newton (this was quite a number of years ago) There was a server there who was very androgynous, we had been sitting there for quite a while drinking coffee and chit chattin’ everytime the server came into the room I would look and try to figure out “is that a guy in drag or is it a chick?” Either way makes no-never-mind to me but my curiosity was burning my brain. Ken noticed I was rather quiet and asked me, “What’s up”

I whispered to him…”Is that a guy or a girl?”  Ken looked and shrugged, and went back to chatting…

Out of nowhere the server came over to our table (she wasn’t our sever) and leans over to me with her husky body builder frame and her very square chiselled looking jaw. She looked right in my face, and asked in a masculine female-ish voice said “DO YOU THINK I’M A MAN?”

My eyes the size of diner plates (I was terrified I was about to get my butt kicked by a body building he/she) I responded “NO, I’d never think that.”

She said, “Good because I’m not, you know” and she walked away.

I exhaled my face was HUGELY red again, Ken was again in stitches of laughter saying “twice in the same week”  Which then led to the telling of “Embarrassment 2” to the other guys at the table with us.

 At least this time I could laugh at it too.

Feel free to comment with an embarrassing story you may have.

the Olympic memory

It is funny how your kids can spark a happy memory that they had no idea about the time they sparking the memories to.

I'll give you a map to that sentence.
What I mean is my daughter was sitting here and she DESPERATELY wanted to watch the summer Olympics. So I caved and let her. ( I'm not a HUGE fan myself)

Instantly while watching it my brain rushes back in time to before she was born, back when Cameron and I got out first place together.

We had no money. The apartment was small, (It was in the west end of down town Vancouver). It had a weird green light bulb in the dining room. We had no money, I was going to school ( VCC) and Cameron was just getting over a strike. Both of our mom's gave us groceries ( care packages) for our move out together. Both of them included a 2kg bag of peas each, and we had also bought a bag 2 kg bag of peas....We ate peas forever (Cameron is still sick of peas to this day)

The reason the Olympics remind me of all that is because we had no cable and we only got one channel ....the mother corp. CBC and what did they have on almost ALWAYS?? the Olympics!

I remember walking up the back alley to the back of my building and seeing Cameron's goofy grin, and him waving like a maniac from our microscopic kitchen (honestly I think the bathroom was bigger, and that you had to step into the tub to open the door to get out)

Those were some hard and wonderful times.

That was the apt we lived in when Cameron asked me to marry him. We had been farting around walking around the west end, checking out the "open houses" (mostly just to see what in insides of other places looked like, and to get free dough nuts). I had a vanilla latte (big shock there.... I know) We where just walking down the road and he turned me to give me a kiss, and after the kiss he looked at me and said "will you marry me".

You could have knocked me down with a feather.

I could have burst.

He told me later that he had planned to do a huge do ...banners and all...and have a ring in hand, but he got SOOO excited he just had to ask right there right then.
When he did get my engagement ring he did bring it to me at work and sang to me in the court yard in the front of the building....

You know I ~~HATE~~ country music, but I ABSOLUTLY LOVE hearing Cameron sing. Him singing to me means more than he'll ever know....He puts so much of himself into it you can't help but feel moved...Like he is reaching out with his heart and soul for my heart and soul.

So now I'm sitting here watch the Olympics again , and not wanting to but being soooooo filled of happy-go-shiny feelings from my memories, makes watching it not bad at all.

Let me tell ya a little story

I am going to tell a story. This story is based on real life dramas.

I am a seaweed covered rock amidst turmoil, none of which is directly coming from me.
Yet it is coming from those I care about, my smooth waters. It is something I am immensely concerned about.

There are multiple whirlpools in my waters surrounding me. I just stand watching, as a rock does.
The whirlpools are pulling and straining on me and on each other. Each whirlpool is a different size, shape, and colour. They are all going in different directions and speeds.

I am caught between all of them.

They all are trying to pull me in to there way of spinning, as whirlpools do. Getting pulled in would eventually pull me down. Down so far I could no longer see any of my other waters.......except for the waters that was closest to the pool I got pulled into.

They are whirlpools that is what they do, unless they can stop spinning. Anything that gets caught in their path will inevitably get sucked down into the depths of each particular pool's colours and turmoil.

If each whirlpool moved away from each other the turmoil would lessen and the waters would calm.....at least enough for them too slow.... then maybe eventually stop...

They do not move away.

They do not distance themselves from each other, which creates rough waters. They splash and crash against each other with torrents of fury and anger... hate and mistrust.

They crash against anybody who is near them. It makes a rock want to scream out "Look at yourselves ALL OF YOU!! None of you are behaving like a good waters should ...not one of you is treating any of the others as they themselves would want to be treated.....it is time to cut through the chaos and say, "Okay will I behave like a friend, or will I cut my looses and walk away?" "

But alas, I am a rock covered in seaweed......chunks of it are breaking off and being sucked down in various directions..... I do not have a mouth, so I am unable to say anything to the pools. Not only that my fear of drowning and loose ALL my waters keeps me from having one.

Being waterless can be lonely

I DO have ears and I hear things from the pools...sounds.......

Some sounds that I never thought I would ever hear leave a mouths of what were once smooth waters.
I stand as strong as I can for the pools, but really a rock can't do much can it...
Having waters beat up against it can wear a rock down to mere sands.

It is the pools that have freedom of change. A rock can not move it no matter how badly I want to reach out my rock hands and smooth out the pools to a calm peaceful existence.....

I can not.

I can only hope the pools look closely enough at the etchings I have made on my surface in the spaces were the seaweed has come free. In order to see what the rock is feeling... but mostly to look into their own center to see what is making them spin in the first place.