Green Lantern Meatloaf

Well yesterday I thought it would be fun if I did something a little different for supper.

I had planned the ever exciting "meatloaf"...so to make it more fun I asked my son if I should make it into a meatloaf man.
He reminded me of a conversation we had earlier this month were I had said I would make the Green Lantern symbol out of the meat loaf.
So I did just that.
The following pictures are of the process.

1. I created my meat loaf meat ( secret recipe) then shaped it into the Green Lantern Symbol

Step 2:  After thinking about the different thickness and the fact that this particular pan does NOT have a lid I decided to throw bacon on top of it to keep the moisture and the juices in the meat.

Step 3, Again to keep the juices in the meat and for added flavor I put a sauce made of tomato soup and various spices over top ( picture below is BEFORE cooking)

Step 4: Bake it in the oven!

I tasted GOOD :) and that isn't just me saying that my whole family thought to too :)

So I posted the pics on my facebook. and My buddy Travis had this to add:

"In brightest day
In blackest night
No protein shall escape my bite
Let those who worship broccoli's might
Beware my power, MEAT LANTERN'S LIGHT"

Which just made me roar, so I thought I'd share that too :)



The kids have some other idea for dinner/art that they want me to do, so I'll add those to the blog as I attempt them.

Life's little moments

Well the other day I was sitting watching TV when I heard “MMOOOMMMM, MMOOOMMMMMM??” I looked over to see my daughter all tangled up in her bike lock (she had her head and leg both looped through the locked bike lock.) So before I helped her I did what any other good mother would do. I took a picture.  Then I started thinking about the funny things that have embarrassed me over the years…Which I will now share with you.

***********

Embarrassment 1

I once lipped off a whole soccer field of boys13-15 years old (which was my age group at the time). Saying things like "You guys are lame”, “You don’t know how to play”, "If I wasn’t in a skirt I’d show ya".(I used to be very athletic in my youth) anyways insert UNCLE BEN’S INSTANT KARMA here.

No sooner had the lipping off left my mouth I suddenly slipped on the grassy slope of the field. Sliding down that slope of my back made my denim skirt turn inside out and up over my waist. Waist down was utterly exposed with my nylons and underpants freshly filled with big, globby, gooey, chunks of mud and grass.

I look up to see a field full of boys with their mouths a gape.....
For about 2 seconds.....
Then I see them all doubling over in laughter as one of them yelled “YA LORNA YOU SURE SHOWED US!!!”
Scrambling up what was left of my battered pride I pulled my skirt back into place…and left for the girls bathroom as my friend ran and borrow gym strip from somebody I could borrow.

***********

Embarrassment 2

Another time I was with some buddies (guys) pub hoping on a Friday or Sat night, it was my friend Ken’s b-day. It was me and 5 guys…somehow I always landed up being the only girl amongst guys.
Well Ken wanted to go to a stripper bar. Since it was his birthday and I was totally out voted (even without a vote even taking place) we went to see strippers. We found ourselves in the OH SO CLASSY “Flamingo” in Surrey.
 

I had been in a stripper bar before because I used to work in a hotel that had one and I’d occasionally have to get stuff out of that part of the bar when it was open.

But I had never been to a stripper bar for entertainment. I thought to myself,

“Okay I’m cool... just one of the guys…I can take it…”

OF COURSE Ken wanted to sit in what he called “Gyno row” (right at the stage)

Again I thought “Okay I can do this no problem”

Well the stripper came out and was working her routine…everything was fine we all got a drink and we had been chatting.  I had made sure my head was turned away from the stage…looking at the guys I was with because I didn't want to stare (or seem like I was gawking) Everything was fine...
UNTIL….

She noticed me NOT actually looking AT her AT ALL. (the place was FULL btw).
So she stops dead in the middle of her act, stands up, then looks RIGHT AT ME, and says “I’M NOT DOING ANYTHING DISGUSTING YOU KNOW!!! YOU CAN LOOK!!”.
The ENTIRE room looked at ME! Then in a drunken, horny, hooting, fashion with various yelling and what not they voice their agreement with her.

I was SOOO red faced….and speechless.

My buddy Ken was laughing so hard (along with the other guys in our group…Ken managed to spit out amidst the laughing that I had just given him the BEST b-day gift ever, getting the opportunity to see me HUGELY embarrassed and speechless. Him and the guys howled on and off about that for the rest of the night.

************

Embarrassment 3

You know when you are out with a group of your friends and you see somebody who is ….kind of androgynous looking.  Well again I was out with my buddy Ken and some other guys we knew. We where at “The Pantry” in Newton (this was quite a number of years ago) There was a server there who was very androgynous, we had been sitting there for quite a while drinking coffee and chit chattin’ everytime the server came into the room I would look and try to figure out “is that a guy in drag or is it a chick?” Either way makes no-never-mind to me but my curiosity was burning my brain. Ken noticed I was rather quiet and asked me, “What’s up”

I whispered to him…”Is that a guy or a girl?”  Ken looked and shrugged, and went back to chatting…

Out of nowhere the server came over to our table (she wasn’t our sever) and leans over to me with her husky body builder frame and her very square chiselled looking jaw. She looked right in my face, and asked in a masculine female-ish voice said “DO YOU THINK I’M A MAN?”

My eyes the size of diner plates (I was terrified I was about to get my butt kicked by a body building he/she) I responded “NO, I’d never think that.”

She said, “Good because I’m not, you know” and she walked away.

I exhaled my face was HUGELY red again, Ken was again in stitches of laughter saying “twice in the same week”  Which then led to the telling of “Embarrassment 2” to the other guys at the table with us.

 At least this time I could laugh at it too.

Feel free to comment with an embarrassing story you may have.

the Olympic memory

It is funny how your kids can spark a happy memory that they had no idea about the time they sparking the memories to.

I'll give you a map to that sentence.
What I mean is my daughter was sitting here and she DESPERATELY wanted to watch the summer Olympics. So I caved and let her. ( I'm not a HUGE fan myself)

Instantly while watching it my brain rushes back in time to before she was born, back when Cameron and I got out first place together.

We had no money. The apartment was small, (It was in the west end of down town Vancouver). It had a weird green light bulb in the dining room. We had no money, I was going to school ( VCC) and Cameron was just getting over a strike. Both of our mom's gave us groceries ( care packages) for our move out together. Both of them included a 2kg bag of peas each, and we had also bought a bag 2 kg bag of peas....We ate peas forever (Cameron is still sick of peas to this day)

The reason the Olympics remind me of all that is because we had no cable and we only got one channel ....the mother corp. CBC and what did they have on almost ALWAYS?? the Olympics!

I remember walking up the back alley to the back of my building and seeing Cameron's goofy grin, and him waving like a maniac from our microscopic kitchen (honestly I think the bathroom was bigger, and that you had to step into the tub to open the door to get out)

Those were some hard and wonderful times.

That was the apt we lived in when Cameron asked me to marry him. We had been farting around walking around the west end, checking out the "open houses" (mostly just to see what in insides of other places looked like, and to get free dough nuts). I had a vanilla latte (big shock there.... I know) We where just walking down the road and he turned me to give me a kiss, and after the kiss he looked at me and said "will you marry me".

You could have knocked me down with a feather.

I could have burst.

He told me later that he had planned to do a huge do ...banners and all...and have a ring in hand, but he got SOOO excited he just had to ask right there right then.
When he did get my engagement ring he did bring it to me at work and sang to me in the court yard in the front of the building....

You know I ~~HATE~~ country music, but I ABSOLUTLY LOVE hearing Cameron sing. Him singing to me means more than he'll ever know....He puts so much of himself into it you can't help but feel moved...Like he is reaching out with his heart and soul for my heart and soul.

So now I'm sitting here watch the Olympics again , and not wanting to but being soooooo filled of happy-go-shiny feelings from my memories, makes watching it not bad at all.

What is lost

Well it is looking like the funeral will be held on the 8th of Sept 1:30 pm at our church.

I keep having sudden out bursts of sorrow and weeping, then I'm okay....then I'm crying again. The outbursts mostly happen when I think of things like:

-The fact that over the ten years I knew him, I only got one hug from him ever and that was on my wedding day.

-That I never got to tell him that I loved him...

-When I say something at the house. (the house being Laureen and Jim's place) Something that Jim would have ran with it. Then we would have been going back and forth, either cracking up OR grossing out the others. Now I say something and it gets left behind. There is no laughing......

-How little time my kids and I got with him. How angry I feel when I think of all the time the others had and how some of them wasted it by being petty and small.

-He was the weirdness that made me feel at home at Jim and Laureen's house. Now he is gone......I feel like a weirdo who nobody truly understands now.

-How I'll never get to scratch his back again,(he was kinda like a bear against a tree) and the kids will not get to play with Papa's hair (the kids would play with it and make it stick up in funny ways)

-How I only got to hear maybe a 1/8 (if that)of his funny stories about his life.

-How the kids only got one summer holiday to the cabin with him. How they were really just getting to know him like how the other kids knew him, and how he was just getting to know my kids developing personalites.

-How I never got to tell him how important he was to making me feel like "one of the family". I'm not saying that the others do not make me feel welcome, they do... but Jim made it feel familiar...he was crazy like my mom and her family. I think it is something about both all of them being born on an ISLAND ..I find people who lived on islands sense of humor is way more BENT than the rest of the world.


It is strange even though over at Cameron's mom's house I'm surrounded by people who love and care for me. They are funny people, without Jim there I feel a strange loneliness, I feel like a thumb on the hand... I'm important and I'm suppose to be there, but I'm not like the others....

I could identify with Jim.

Cameron and his mom are quite the similar ...and Jim and I were very much similar..... So when Cameron and I had personality clashes Jim understood in a way nobody else could, because Laureen and him would clash in similar ways....now that understanding is gone.

I feel ripped off.

I feel ripped off for my kids too.

We never got to meet Cameron's grandpa, or grandma, and now to loose Jim. So many of the people who meant so much to my husband while he was growing up and how I never got to know....our kids never got to know.

The thing that make s me SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO angry are those who actually HAD the chance and THREW IT AWAY................for NO GOOD reason....just being petty and small.
They are STILL throwing it away...by not even attempting to make amends with those who are left...
It makes me want to ~~SCREAM~~~ at them....because my kids never got the chance.

I didn't get to see Jim when he was able to move and do as many things as he could before.
The time I got with him he was in pain the whole time. He didn't go out very much because due to the pain he was in. I only got to know "hurting sedate Jim" not "dancing with aunt Darlene at Christmas Jim".

It isn't fair.

I know my pain isn't as bad as Cameron's, or Laureen's. I do not profess it to be...I never would.

I can only speak of what I know and experience.

My kids missed out on my dad, my brother, my grandparents, Cameron's grandparents, and now their Papa. I worry that Nigel is too young to remember him...that as he ages..Jim will fade from his little mind. I worry about Sadie forgetting too, but because she is older I hope that she is old enough to remember some.

There is so much due to death, I never got a chance to know....so much my kids didn't get to know...

It isn't fair.......it just isn't fair

So if you are reading this think about that person(or people) who is(are) special to you, and even if you are mad at them for some silly thing, LET IT GO.... go back and spend time.. even if it is just a coffee every now and again..do it now! Because when it is gone...it is gone forever.

Really, are most of the things people get offended and angry about worth a life time of guilt when they die?? Not likely.

It's over

It is over, He has passed. I got the call from Cameron this evening.

My stomach hurts.

I had just texted messaged Cameron that Sadie had just looked at me and said "You wanna know what I'm thinking?? I'm thinking Papa isn't going to make it"

The first thing Cameron said to me when he called was "Sadie knew , I don't know how she knew, but she knew what was going on"

I asked "It's over" Cam said yes....

the rest of the details do not need to be shared....

I'm having a hard time...I do not want to lie to Sadie, but Cameron doesn't want me to have to deal with them learning about this on my own.

I wish I was with Cameron, I want to be there for him.

Ugh my stomach hurts and my eyes feel like they are BLEEDING from all the crying.

update on the situation

I am home now I got home at 10 last night, Cameron's sister and brother in-law came home yesterday, so they have their two dogs home and they also can comfort their daughter in a way I never could.
It looks like my brother in-law and my nephew are staying at Laureen and Jim's place until Laureen gets back. which I'm glad for because I was worried it was just going to be my nephew by himself there.. which was hard enough for me...I don't even want to think about how hard it would be for him...so when I was told Steve would be staying with him I was relieved.

yesterday I went to Church. I love the people at my church, always there to help....Cameron had asked the minister (via phone) to say a special prayer for his dad and the whole family, but he asked if he could do it AFTER the kids had gone downstairs to Sunday school. Emery did just that he waited, which I'm glad for ...because I had had Sadie , Nigel and my niece with me. I knew when the prayer started I would not be able to keep the tears from coming. During coffee they also would come to offer "words of comfort", but would stop immediately when I darted my eyes to the kids letting the comforter know that I COULDN'T talk about it with the kids there.

Now do not get me wrong the kids will know, my niece already knows some of what is happening. But we want to wait to tell ours until he has actually passed before saying anything and we want to be together when we do it .....thank god, because I do not know how I would handle it alone, although I have no clue how well Cameron is going to be able to talk to them about it do, I'm sure he'll be good but the kids haven't really seen daddy get upset....so it may weird them out.

This has all been a bit of a shock...I mean we knew his health wasn't the best, but had no clue it was THIS bad. last week nobody would have even entertained the idea that he would be lingering on the edge of death....since Thursday our worlds have just been flipped upside down... we are trying to be more kind with the kids and break it to them very carefully, My two know that Papa is very sick and is in the hospital.

It seems like the universe is trying to help us with breaking the news to the kids. We have been watching various movies and the topic of death keeps coming up in them...a bridge to terabithia (sp?) a character dies in it and it is very very very sad (I do not want to give out details just incase you haven't seen it) it took everything I had not to cry...this not crying business is HARD...then the pokemon movie one of the little characters pokemon thingies died, and then corpse bride, all with huge scene involving death. Okay the corpse bride I was kind of expecting death type scenes but not the other two! Nigel started to cry when the pokemon died...I had to comfort him and try not to think about the conversation that we'd be having with him all TOO soon.

Then a phone call came in it was my friend, she asked if I'd be up for her to pop by for a tea..I said sure..

I'm sitting at the computer when the door bell just started ringing ringing ringing. ( a trademark of one of my other friends Marion) So I figured oh Marion has popped by...

I open the door to see Stacey , Marion and Mama (her nickname it is Marion's mom who is kind of motherly to everybody) Mama was holding a card, gladiolas, and they brought arm loads of "casseroles" to help out while we are having such a sorrow filled time.

I have never been moved so many times but the kind acts of others as I have been being during this time. I must say I'm surprised and thankful. it doesn't take the hurting and sorrow away but it does give you hope and faith, which is what everybody needs specially at times like this

The inevitable....

Well something I had prayed wouldn't happen to Cameron for a long long long long time seems to be inevitable.
His dad, Jim is in the hospital (out in Kamloops because he was at the cabin when he got ill) it looks like he will not be coming out.

I want to be with Cameron. I want to be able to be sad. I thought I'd have the weekend alone to cry and get it out of my system, so I could be strong for Cameron and the kids, but I got a phone call this morning. It was my brother in-law and he was obviously upset and sounding very frazzled he had been on his way to take his two kids (13 and 16) to say their "good byes" but his youngest didn't want to go, couldn't bare the thought of seeing Papa so sick...so he was on the phone asking me if she could stay with me while I watch the dogs ( 4 dogs a German Shepherd/lab cross, a German Shepherd/blue healer cross, a German Shepherd mix something, and a beagle.) at Jim and Laureen's house

What could I say?? I had to say yes, even thought my heart wanted to be going with them to be with Cameron and to say good bye to Jim.... I know I could have gotten my mom to watch my kids for a few days. but they needed me here...with the youngest family members and the animals.

My nieces parents talked to her on the phone today to tell her "how it was looking" and for at least a half hour she was crying... not a weeping cry...but those hard ones that hurt your insides...It broke my heart all I wanted to do is cry...but *I'M* her support here, I'm her adult..I have to hold it together...I'm not the strong one in the family...but I managed to hold it together a tear or two fell but I didn't make a sound to cry.

I am sitting here in Jim's and Laureen's house almost every memory I have of Jim is HERE. I had to go in his room to look for the steam cleaner (I couldn't find it and one of the dogs peed on the floor UGH) and I opened his bedroom door and I was hit in the face with a brick of Jim's scent, now the smell as been lingering with me... following me around the house all day, and I can't be gone from the house because couple of the dogs will fight each other if not monitored (2 live here with Jim and Laureen and the other two live with Carolynn and Steve.) so I can't even run away from it, even for a while.

Cameron keeps asking me "How am I doing" but I can't tell him how I'm doing because no matter how bad I'm doing I know he is doing ten times worse (at least).
I never got to say "good bye to my dad, grandma, or Trevor.....but I also didn't have to see them die either...or see them afraid...So however "bad" I'm doing I will do my damnest not to let it show, especially since I'll probably have to be the one who explains it to our children (5 and 7 yrs). They know what death is, because of my dad and my brother ....they know it is forever.

I just feel horrible that they didn't get to know Jim better they only got one summer holiday to the cabin with them, Nigel only got 4 Xmases with him and Sadie only got 6 ... It is breaking my heart and to think about how lonely Laureen will be.. and how hard it is for me being here in their house how much more hard it will be for her....
I do not know if we even go a picture of Jim with our kids. other than the one where he is holding Sadie when she was first born.

I keep praying for a miracle. Some wondrous thing that will make this a happy ending, but every time I get updated on him, it isn't any better..
So I have to milk the most I can out of the smallest good things, like the woman who was sharing the hospital room with Jim offered her home to Cameron's family while they stayed in Kamloops, and that his brother made it up and patched things up with Jim and Jim responded to him (he hasn't been responding much because of being so ill)just so I do not completely break down.

All I want to do is call Cameron and hear his voice, but he needs his rest and I need to rest too. I have to talk to Emery tomorrow (our minister about possible funeral type stuff) I don't think I'm able to. But I have to.

I should sleep. I have no idea when I'm going home I need to get my keys out there so my cats can be fed. I figured I'd be home tomorrow, but now I'm unsure.

Last night I MAYBE got an hour sleep because of weird sensations I was having. The first one was what felt like a warm/hot breath on my neck (nobody in the room BTW) then another was something jarring the bed, then a ice cold chill, I almost felt like I was being tormented by ghosts all night long. I finally gave up on sleeping at 6 am (I had gone to bed a 2 am)

On top of that I had an interview today for a job.I swear I must have welts on my stomach from pinching myself so I wouldn't tear up or cry during the interview when I had to tell him about what was going on..in order to book my start date.

Lord give me strenght, and let me rest tonight. let everybody rest tonight.

FINALLY!!!

After much much reading and learning I have found and figured out how to use a different blog skin so my blog better reflects my personality, then templates were NOT me in anyway. I think this one is it :)

Well the last month or so has been QUITE the trauma and drama, I had some dear friend(s) of mine in utter drama, with relationships, dead lines, and the various other things that create uber wabs of stress.

The trauma part was me stressing out about my husband's work change..... or more over all the fun things that comes changing jobs. That and the normal stress I experience over how the kids are doing in school, how good of a house keeper I am, how good of a mother am I, or am I just bestowing my horrid habits onto my children.

UGH THE STRESS AND GUILT!!! ALWAYS WITH THE GUILT!

There isn't a minute that goes by were I do not question what I'm doing. UGH!

Some more trauma was caused by the whole WEIGHT issues that is always LOOMING LOOMING LOOOOOOOOOOOMING over me..

The real me is trapped deep inside this fat lady and I can't seem to get out....I am trying weight watchers now...UGH I have tried so many things...I hope this is the one that works for me... I do not think I could take it if it didn't...My husband is always very helpful and supportive of me and always makes sure I know he loves me not matter what my size is.

Just for once in my life *I* would like to love me.......I never have....not even once...

Plus all the added ~~~STRESS~~~ of getting drained on the 9th. I have no idea what I'm fully in for. I am trying to make like I do not have any issues with it... but I do not think I'm doing a very good job. I do not think anything will go wrong. I'm just worried that it will not remedy the pain I have been having...and if it doesn't, that leaves me in a quandary.
Do I save myself the heartache and trauma of more poking and prodding just keeping my mouth shut and live with it, or continue trying to get them to "track it down".
I'm just sick of it all and I'm REALLY leaning towards keeping my mouth shut unless my guts start literally falling out.

Well This is my first blog on blogspot.